Life is so vulnerable

It's been a very sad week for me. My maternal grandma passed away 7 days ago. I did managed to rush back for her funeral but i was late a few mins to meet her before her last breathe.

The funeral lasted for 6 days in total and my family had to attend the wake everyday. It hurts me a lot seeing my mum grief over the lost of her mother and still had to continue working non-stop. I told her to take a break but she refused. She is such a strong woman and i am really proud of her.

It sets me thinking that life is really vulnerable. A few days before grandma died, the doctor said that her lung cancer is at the 2nd stage and she had 80% chance of recovery, but 3 days after that, she passed away.

We always hear people saying that life is short, we should treasure wat we have. You never know wat will happen as life is really full of unexpected suprises. I started being really paranoid after wat happened to grandma. I kept imagining a lot of "wat ifs". What if it happens to my mum, dad, brian or anyone else really close to me. I dun think i'll be able to handle like my mum. I definitely will not be able to continue my work for a period of time.

Due to the emotional attack of all the imagination i had, i became really frighten to lose my family. I became so emotional that i dun wanna leave home. I dun wanna go back to Abu Dhabi. I wanna be with my boyfriend.

Now i'm at KL airport waiting for my flight back, and i'm feeling horrible. I can feel the tears rushing out almost anytime but there's nothing much i can do about it. Realistically, i have to get back to work and carry on with my life, but i'm really having some kinda emotional break down now.

I should be the one comforting my mum, but it seems like i need people to comfort me instead. To make things worse, i'm having rashes all over my body now and it really doesn't feel very good.

I wanna go home and i miss everyone already... ...