I miss home...

It's been 2 days since i'm back from singapore. I have been feeling very upset about what happened and have been very emotional over everything... Life, Love and death.

I locked myself in my room and surf the internet all the time. I can't think of anything else to do. Abu Dhabi is really a boring place and i dun even have a single true friend whom i can confide. I miss everything about singapore.

The only thing i can think about is my relationship. It hasn't been very healthy since i came here. I'm really afraid of losing this relationship of almost 6 years. I dread the thought of having to be with someone new again. Going through the courtship period is nice, but having to understand another person all over and adapting to his flaws is not something that i wanna do.

I became very paranoid. Brian is very irritated by my paranoid behaviour. He said that he's making effort to make our relationship work out and repeatedly assured me that everything will be fine, but i kept doubting and checking on him. He said i should move on and not always bring up the unhappy things that happened between us previously. But can he really understand what i'm going through? He hurt me really deeply the past 2 months and to me, tat's still the present, it's not over yet.

I guess it'll not be over unless i go back to singapore for good. I feel extremely insecure after wat he said previously. Plus the fact that he's with SQ now, he is exposed to all the temptations. I used to trust him so much, but not anymore. Trust really needs to be earned...

I have the urge to leave everything here and run back to singapore. but i really cant. I have to face the reality and be more practical. I can't leave like what farhana did. She regretted in the end as well. It's really a silly thing to do before making enough money. Moreover, there's really nothing much i can do if i go back to singapore now. I'll die if i get another office job...

The conclusion is, i have to save enough money as soon as possible, then will i be able to go back to my beloved home... i hope tat'll not be too late to salvage my relationship. Wat's meant to be is meant to be..... let's hope he has the fortune to have me as his wife......