Last day of October.... Ending in an unhappy or happy mood...

Prepare your timetable with care and stick to it without fantasy. Routine work will be richly rewarded this time. Numerous material problems in perspective: breakdowns, outages, delays, losses, dysfunction of appliances, etc.; you'll be very much inclined to get all worked up and to give everyone a roasting; but you can also, more intelligently, take the situation with humor and laugh about it. An ideal day for contacts, small trips, appointments, relations, leisure, relaxation, pleasant outings.

Going DOWNslope again.....

Supposed to be having good mood. Nothing much fluctuated in my life, so things supposedly should be as cheerful as it had been. For no reason, my mood swings again.

Feeling down, feel like crying, feeling lonely and feeling helplessly lifeless again. Things have been going on fine. Felt like i was on cloud nine everyday. Full of energy and happy as can be. Suddenly attacked by the mood swinger.

The guests on board were almost murdered by me. I really pity them to see that customer-unfriendly side of me, but can't be helped. I've to apologise for my unprofessionalism here.

Probably having PMS, tat's why.
It sucked, i swear....

No Grooming Standard???

I reckon tat i have a very high standard in my grooming every single time i go to work. I'll put on very heavy eye shadows to make sure tat it can be seen from 10 metres away. My lipsticks are dark brown n i'll make sure tat my blushers make me look as radiant as possible. I cut off my hair during my flying career, reason being i dun like to tie and spray, and on the other hand, it's much easier to maintain. But i can't believe tat i was caught today by the bitch grooming officer saying that my hair is messy and falling all over my face!!!

I have seriously been very confident of my grooming. And till now, i still can't accept the fact tat i might be written in due to grooming. Disappointment....

I'm waiting for my someone....

It's so nice to know i've got a Hand to Hold
As the paths i chose begin to Unfold
Whether scary or pleasure, be it nightmare or dream
In the dark of My loneliness, You are my Sunbeam
You took my hand when no one else would
And made me feel like no one else could
In the Midst of darkness, You brought me the light
When Life left me grounded, You set me Aflight
I love you, I need you to know tat i Care
In your hour of need, it's me who will be there
Always i'll be your shoulder to cry on
Always i'll be the One you rely on....

Not my fault to spend so much... horoscope says so.....

You'll show much sympathy and kindness to people around you. It'll be stronger than you: you won't be able to resist the pleasure of buying everything that you like, from the most insignificant thing to the most beautiful object of collection. You'll have to dominate your enormous appetite; if you can't manage it, watch out for various health complications! Don't make any confidences, because they could set off conversations and cause you irreparable damages. Your life as a couple will be very pleasant if you pay attention to your remarks.

Knitting Day 1

Wahaha.... Janice knitting like an old granny, can u just imagine... Started my knitting yesterday evening, n so far so good. At least there's a little bit of progress now. Managed to see something coming out of it...

Feeling peaceful and in good mood everyday nowadays, but with a bit of creepy feeling creeping in as well. Can't help to think that something weird is gonna happen. To my relationship again, of course, wat else can i think about?

The more peaceful my mind gets, the worse the situation's gonna be. It means that i'm starting to not bother about it anymore? I hope not......

Horoscope....

If you've had some misunderstandings with the man (woman) of your life, hurry up and try to seek reconciliation. Your finances will be unstable: Curb your expenses. Be generous toward other people. The sociable and open side to your personality will be strengthened; you'll feel at ease everywhere and you'll get numerous compliments.

New hobby searching day....

Finally bought a knitting book today. I love to browse around in bookshops. So many different types of interesting stuff. But i still prefer books tat are more feminine, like cookbooks, r/s, exercises, dieting, hobbies, arts n craft etc. Something i can read and do.

Went to somewhere i dun even know and bought some knitting tools n walked all the way back home.... dun even know the way, but just walk.... haha..... cos i guess my name is janice chan yan li.... always doing weird stuff....

gonna learn new things. and to start off, i'll learn knitting..... let's hope i'll be able to knit out something decent... haa

Feeling confident? feeling confused......

Went to Rockbottom just now, and it's the first time i've been there since long before Ramadan. It's been quite a while, n it's been a long time since i challenged pool in front of so many people.

Have been consistently taking Hydroxy cut n doing exercises *happy*, therefore i cant drink alcohol. That's good, cos it forced me to be a much healthier person. but becos of that, i dun have the alcohol in me to boost my courage to play the game, cos everyone's watching n i felt super duper pressurised. I swear i've never played so horribly in my entire life. I can't get in the simplest ball and my heart pumped like crazy.

I should really buck up my skill n beat the guys again. I'm playing just too horribly. I'm such an egoistic gal n i just need to beat the stinky men to make myself feel better. It was such an embarrassment just now... gosh...

Have been having too little beauty sleep. Missed almost 2 nights of sleep, cos i went to Dubai to visit Zann immediately after my flight yesterday. She seemed so lost being the only one in her batch to stay in her building. Tat's a bad beginning to start off in a totally new environment. I was so shagged, but i still went, cos i was really worried about her. Young uncle Yip came to AUH for flight, therefore he went along with me.

His company was great for this 2 days. He's really a nice guy, chatty, gentleman, funny and just simply nice. The only Mr nice man i've seen so far and i'm proud to be related to him. I even went to his hotel to use the gym n pool, and he had to wait for me to finish my session before he could sign me out and go to bed. Not very nice of me to bother him so much.

He passed some stuff to me from my mummy, n gonna help me to pass some stuff to Zito when he's back in Sg... Guess he won't dare to come to AUH again... haha... but it's been really nice of him.

He even open both his ears to listen to my complains and everything i went through in my relationship. And coincidentally, zito is not being very nice again. He seemed to be hidding something from me, not picking my call and sounded guilty when he called me in the gents, n not very willing to tell me who he was with n where he was.. n made me guess n paranoid as usual, n in the end told me that he met up with a gal n her batchmates tat he flew with previously, in the middle of the night.

Wat a big change in Mr Peng. He used to be a cinderella boy, falling asleep at midnight, not willing to meet up with people, doesn't enjoy chatting with others, and especially not very close to girls... I feel that we're really drifting away... I wanted to go back to singapore so badly, only becos of him, but he made me wonder if i should really do so. Giving up my life here for something i not sure anymore.

i really dun mind the big change in him, at least it's for the better, but i really need him to show me that he needs me as much as i want him. But he's really reluctant n i'm afraid to ask, fearing that the answer is not wat i want. I'm feeling confused n in an extreme dilemma... it sucks and i hate it.....

Singapore......... Not.........

Just came home from the airport. Went all the way to submit a swap form to OCC. In the end, it's not approved. I was so happy tat someone is willing to give me her Sin/Bne flight for tis coming sunday. n i tot i'll be able to go home for 5 days, in the end....... haiz......

The past few days has been nice.... good mood, high spirit.... things going smoothly in most aspect.... not able to swap the flight is so far the only disappointment. But i guess i've been drinking and partying a little too much...

Bought hydroxy cut yesterday and took one pill immediately last night. Went zenith after tat, which was not the original plan, and of course, drank alcohol... i guess it's the combi of the pill and the drink that almost took my life.. haha...

Woke up at 8 in the morning and started puking non stop... there's basically nothing in my stomach to puke but i just kept puking.... i swear i almost died... but this should stop me from touching alcohol for a while.....

i've been trying to keep my eyes shut for a while... hoping that things will work out in our r/s... so far so good... but still cant help to worry. really have the urge to go home n try SQ again, but the tot of trying again dreads me from going back.. plus, we just got a salary adjustment in EY, thus i'm really tempted to stay on here..

Another person ask me to give it up.. Saying tat cabin crews are all the same and tat i'm wasting my time and effort... i'm not sure if my decision is definitely gonna bring me a happy ending, but i'm definitely sick and tired of listening to all those negative suggestions.....

Eid Mubarak

In preparation to go to dubai in a while. It's the second day of Eid, which is how they call hari raya here. So it's the start of a new clubbing season. Everyone has been deprived from the clubbing life for a month, so finally, freedom arrive.

One whole month of fasting. Not being able to go clubbing, no alcohol, and the worse is, no eating in public in daylight hours. Gosh, that's restriction to human freedom.

Later, i'll be going to dubai for the first time since training at emirates training centre. Along with Filzah, Shah, Khaled and Filzah's fren, Aymen(or something like tat). It sounds interesting, especially when it's my first trip there. I hope it's gonna be a nice trip.

Came back from Munich last night, and went to Zenith with shah and filzah. Looking at how the people go crazy drinking, guess these people were really too deprived of alcohol. Everyone were dead drunk, and the bar were in a mess.

Munich was nice, but i spent quite a lot of money. I can't believe i left my shoe bag at home, thus i have to buy a pair of shoes before going for the castle trip with some colleagues. It was really cold there, therefore i ended up buying a pair of boots, cos it's been something i wanted for quite a while.

Spent a total of 900plus AED... *faint*

Now it's time to really save some money again. Hope i can struggle through with the little money left for now... haha...

Sheraton Day....

My body clock was totally opposite yesterday, thus i forced myself to stay awake til night time, so tat i can adjust back to the correct timing. In the end, i slept at 6plus last night and woke up this morning at 7am... The first time ever to wake up so early, just becos i slept too much...

Was really bored. Been watching the taiwanese drama the whole of yesterday, and continue watching another new drama since tis morning, but it was kinda boring. In the end, i decided to do something constructive...

Checked out all the hotel tat has Crew discount and made calls to compare the prices. Eventually chose Sheraton at Corniche. It's 40AED for daily entrance for crew, the normal rate is 100AED.

So i went to the gym for almost an hour, followed by the sauna for 15mins, then to the beach for almost another hr. I should have gone earlier to catch the hot sun. By the time i started Sun-tanning, it's already evening sun. But i enjoyed the not-so-hot sun very much. Went for a dip in the water as well. It was very clear and clean. They even have a floating deck that i swam to and u can just relax on it...

I spent the whole afternoon there, and it felt really good. Finally i found something to do in AUH. I will be having more visits there in time to come. And probably join kayaking and learn squash there as well....

Drama Craze.....

I'm incredibly horrible... Due to the boredom at home, i finished the 20 episodes of one of the Taiwanese Drama serial in Youtube within a day.

It's nice to watch drama, especially those love stories. Maybe it's because i've watched too many love drama, that i'm so stubborn in my relationship... haha.... always looking for a princess kinda ending in my love life. Not giving up and holding on, looking forward to a happy ending...

Slow death....

Been 3 days since i left Singapore. Went to Paris the night after i reach AUH and came back this morning. It was a tiring period for me, both physically and mentally.

The 9 days slot in singapore was exhausting, cos i had very little sleep, as i really wanted to maximise my time in SG. And immediately after i came back from the flight, i had a 12hrs Paris Layover. Paris used to be a 24hr layover, now it's changed to 12, can't believe it.

I even went to gym during my stay. Wanted to go to Eiffel tower, but no one wanna go due to the very short time, thus i only get to spend some time in gym. On standby again tmr, wonder what horrible flight they will give me again. Keep my fingers crossed. But the good news is, our salary is going to raise quite alot. Looking forward to it.

I've really tormented myself enough during the past few weeks. Drowning myself in sorrow, feeling depressed all the time. Vexing over the same problem. Now i'm back here, not having the same kinda feeling anymore. I'm feeling really tired and quite emotionless now.

Too much of sadness will end up numbing the feelings. Thus i'm really over-exhausted and not very much thinking about things anymore. I'm not even viewing both their friendster profiles and other stalking activities anymore.

Guess everyone is right, it's really better not knowing so much. I used to think that if it's the truth, i have to know. And after knowing, it led to so many actions that eventually pushed him away, making everyone step more difficult. And the worst part is, i'm unable to do anything despite knowing so much.

Now, i only hope for things to be better. I dun wanna know anything anymore. I just wanna live life a more peaceful way. I'm really tired, mentally. If it's not gonna work out, like wat 99% of the people think, then be it. I'm really tired, not gonna try anymore stunts anymore...

If a slow death is wat it is, then there's nothing much i can do too. I've done my best...