Feeling confident? feeling confused......

Went to Rockbottom just now, and it's the first time i've been there since long before Ramadan. It's been quite a while, n it's been a long time since i challenged pool in front of so many people.

Have been consistently taking Hydroxy cut n doing exercises *happy*, therefore i cant drink alcohol. That's good, cos it forced me to be a much healthier person. but becos of that, i dun have the alcohol in me to boost my courage to play the game, cos everyone's watching n i felt super duper pressurised. I swear i've never played so horribly in my entire life. I can't get in the simplest ball and my heart pumped like crazy.

I should really buck up my skill n beat the guys again. I'm playing just too horribly. I'm such an egoistic gal n i just need to beat the stinky men to make myself feel better. It was such an embarrassment just now... gosh...

Have been having too little beauty sleep. Missed almost 2 nights of sleep, cos i went to Dubai to visit Zann immediately after my flight yesterday. She seemed so lost being the only one in her batch to stay in her building. Tat's a bad beginning to start off in a totally new environment. I was so shagged, but i still went, cos i was really worried about her. Young uncle Yip came to AUH for flight, therefore he went along with me.

His company was great for this 2 days. He's really a nice guy, chatty, gentleman, funny and just simply nice. The only Mr nice man i've seen so far and i'm proud to be related to him. I even went to his hotel to use the gym n pool, and he had to wait for me to finish my session before he could sign me out and go to bed. Not very nice of me to bother him so much.

He passed some stuff to me from my mummy, n gonna help me to pass some stuff to Zito when he's back in Sg... Guess he won't dare to come to AUH again... haha... but it's been really nice of him.

He even open both his ears to listen to my complains and everything i went through in my relationship. And coincidentally, zito is not being very nice again. He seemed to be hidding something from me, not picking my call and sounded guilty when he called me in the gents, n not very willing to tell me who he was with n where he was.. n made me guess n paranoid as usual, n in the end told me that he met up with a gal n her batchmates tat he flew with previously, in the middle of the night.

Wat a big change in Mr Peng. He used to be a cinderella boy, falling asleep at midnight, not willing to meet up with people, doesn't enjoy chatting with others, and especially not very close to girls... I feel that we're really drifting away... I wanted to go back to singapore so badly, only becos of him, but he made me wonder if i should really do so. Giving up my life here for something i not sure anymore.

i really dun mind the big change in him, at least it's for the better, but i really need him to show me that he needs me as much as i want him. But he's really reluctant n i'm afraid to ask, fearing that the answer is not wat i want. I'm feeling confused n in an extreme dilemma... it sucks and i hate it.....