The Ending and New Beginning....

Finally get to talk after the break up email. The first thing that i wanna confirm was his feelings for that girl. In the end, my instinct was right again. I'm basically a psychic.... My feelings are just so accurate.

Had a 2 hours phone call, the bill must be alot. I myself spent about 35SGD on my credit. But the money should be worth while, at least it managed to put an end to a draggy relationship. I hate to drag on and was exactly waiting for him to pour out his true feelings.

He had actually wanted to reply my email since the very moment he read, but he did not know what he wants, to hold on or to let go. Actually, if he really wanna hold on, he'd have done it easily. But if he wanna let go more, he'd find it hard to bring it across, thus it's obviously what he actually wanted.

I managed to analyse to him what he was going through. Like i told him, this is just a passing phase for him. Getting to know more people, having lots of fun, seeing and trying new things, and most importantly, meeting new girls and comparing them to me. Isn't it normal that when u first get to know a person, u'll probably not be able to see their flaws. It's only when u get to spend a lot more time with tat person tat u will be able to see everything about them, and that's describing me. And at this point in time, i bet a lot of people tat he meet will be able to be better than me in many ways. Therefore during his training, he got to be close to Khim, and inevitably he'll start comparing and falling for her. I guess it's a crush. Having feelings for her, but knowing that it probably won't work out.

To me, i think everything started off from his feelings for her. When he has that feeling, his love for me will fade away eventually. And that explains why he was not able to figure out why his feelings faded without any reason. The reason is just right there but he refused to admit to it. I am not able to be there physically to prevent this to happen, therefore there's no point hanging on, because i'll still not be around for a while. It'd probably be easier now, since they are not in training anymore, but he himself has to control his own feelings. No one else can do anything about it.

Initially when he called, i thought that we'd end it the other way round. I thought he'd try to stop me from leaving. But he didn't. I'm quite sure he'll regret very soon, but that's beside the point. Right now, i just have to move on. And due to the cause of the break up, i'll not be able to turn back anymore. Looking back 3 yrs ago at what happened, i really dun deserve to have this kinda ending again. I never thought that history will repeat itself. I was so sure of him, but i still couldn't prevent it. Yet again, i can actually understand how and why he feels for her. It's actually no big deal, but the problem is, it involved a relationship of almost 6 yrs.

He said that he realised my thinking is far more ahead than him. I didn't know that he only found tat out at this point in time. I knew it all along that my thinking is more matured than him, but i think it's normal, as i've been through more things than him too. It never came across my mind that it'd be a problem to us, as i've always been willing to accomodate to that. I'm not sure but maybe he feels the pressure.

My heart is aching right now. The thought of someone else in his heart hurts me deeply. I think that his feelings for me is stronger than for her, at least i hope that it's this way, but i'm not willing to share it with anyone else. Like i emphasized to him before, it's ok if he does something behind my back, just dun let me know, cos i can actually understand that loneliness is hard to go through, but for who he is, it's impossible for him to hide. I can analyse his feelings with every word he says or every move he makes.

With what he has done, will he ever deserve a third chance? I really need to get over him soon. I need a hero to appear right now. I can't do it myself.....