Have been feeling better for the past few days. Going for nice SIG flights, meeting nice colleagues, going out with frens and so on. But all of a sudden, popped out a "VIN"...
Really wanted to continue my life and have been telling myself to let nature takes it's course. What's meant to be, is meant to be. If it's mine, it'll come back to me, but before all that, i must move on with my life. Can't continue weeping at home and not doing other stuff.
It's good that i've severed ties with him, so that i can force myself to not think so much. Although i'll still be really tempted to call him, find out how he's doing and wat he's been up to, i have not much ways to go about doing it, thus things will definitely fade off easier. As things seemed to be slightly brighter, Vin called.
I was shocked, suprised and speechless initially. Had the thought of ignoring him, but i thought tat i'm still a nice person afterall, and it's been such a long time together, i feel obliged to entertain his friends.
Spent quite some effort and money this 2 days, trying very hard to make him feel welcome. I was quite glad that i was able to talk to him and try to bring him around. Today, i was supposed to acc him to some safari desert tour, but i was really tired after forcing myself up from bed and sleeping late last night to entertain him, thus i invited him over for dinner.
Bought loads of stuff from the supermarket, and invited some other people to come over as well, so tat it wouldn't be too boring over dinner. Felt so tired carrying the heavy groceries and having to walk such a long way back home. Made a mess in the kitchen; smoke, oil and horrible smell spreaded all over the house, even to my room. And in the end, he didn't even appear.
It's really alright if he didn't come, but he could've at least call to inform me. The whole thing was really prepared for him. I wouldn't even bother to cook anything if it wasn't for Vin. I was really sleepy and tired and dun even have strength to do anything. And in the end, i did everything for nothing. Wasted my time, my money, my effort and some more tears...
I really dunno wat i'm doing. I shouldn't have done anything. I shouldn't feel obliged to do anything. I have nothing to do with him anymore. But just when i'm feeling better, he sent someone to ruin my life again.
I've been asking for opinions and advise from everyone i could and 90% of reply i got is to forget him. I am really upset with myself for being so useless. I feel helpless and lost. And i'm really sad when i found out that even Vin knows that he likes Khim. He knew it all along, but refuse to tell me the truth, and i stupidly thought that he was unsure of his feelings.
I love him so much... that i really hate him so much... i hate myself for loving him and torturing myself...
Wednesday, 26 September 2007
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2 comments:
That VIN is a Farking ASSHOLE. period.
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