Hope i can finally move on....

Today is my 2nd off day, still have one more day to go. I'm glad that i'm coping better now. Not hidding in my room and tearing continuosly anymore. That few days were a nightmare for me.

Before i went for my Karachi flight on sunday, i was still tearing non-stop. Didn't even know how i managed to go for my flight. Tat was one day after i sent him the break up email. Tat morning, he asked me if i was serious about it. I replied tat i had no other choice and he said that he'd send me a reply. Despite of being incredibly upset, i still acted garang and replied him that my email did not involve any questions, meaning that he did not need to reply to it. And after tat, i've been checking my mail non-stop, but till today, he did not send anything to me, guess he took my words for it.

Before i went for that flight, i really couldn't hold myself. I called Jinglin to tell her everything, followed by a phone call to him. He did not answer cos he went for his gym training. And when i was at my lobby waiting for my bus to the airport, he called back. When i heard his voice, my tears rolled down uncontrollably again. We didn't talk much, nothing about the break up. He merely asked me to stop crying, and i told him i have nothing to say to him. And so, tat was it.

I went for my horrible Karachi flight with a horrible Singaporean bitch, Ayu, on board, and i managed to keep everything off my mind for a while. When i came back from flight, i was still feeling lost and really didn't want to stay alone at home, so i went over to shah's place with Taline and Khalid. We spent the night watching 3 dvds and after tat i felt much better.

It's really good to have people around me. It makes me feel that i'm not alone. We'd talk and joke and time passes easily tat way. After i came home from their company, i stopped thinking about nonsensical stuff and managed to move out of my depression state. I came to see that life can still be alright despite of what happened. I just have to be really determined to move on.

And so, i sent him another email yesterday, telling him that i really want to move on and since he has told his sister about wat happened, i guess he agreed to the break up. But i think till now, he hasn't read the email yet. I'm not sure exactly wat he's thinking, but for now, i still think that breaking up is the best move. Better for the both of us i guess....

He's in sydney, but he did give me a miss call yesterday, and also a call this morning. He didn't say much, so i dun really know why he called. Initially i thought it was because of the 2nd email, but apparently he hasn't read it yet. I'm really not sure if he's just calling to check on how i was doing, or did he have something to say to me. If i really want to move on, i really need his help to not contact me again. He'll definitely be able to sway my mind easily and i dun wan things to keep dragging on......... Watever it is, we'll see how it goes........